


Stupid for You

by Shame_of_the_Gods



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Fluff, M/M, it's just some cute shit i wrote at 3am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-21 08:49:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20690765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shame_of_the_Gods/pseuds/Shame_of_the_Gods
Summary: Zim talks to his Computer and has a few revelations.Spoiler alert: He's a dumbass in love.





	Stupid for You

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at 3am while drinking an icee and knowing full well i had to wake up at 8am so it's not the best. this is my first time writing these characters so any and all feedback on how their voices come across is very welcome!
> 
> anyway, i got dragged into zimbrane hell by theluckyestclover7.tumblr.com so i wrote this because i have no impulse control
> 
> originally posted to my tumblr  
https://shameofthegods.tumblr.com/post/187773072894/stupid-for-you

Something was wrong with Zim’s squeedlyspooch.

“Diagnostic results, _ again, _ ” the Computer groaned. “You’re still _ completely _ fine—”

“Lies! Do not dare to deceive the Almighty Zim! Computer, run a _ proper _ diagnostic test—”

“No.”

Zim leaned back in shock before fury overtook his shock, hunching forwards and baring his teeth. “Who are you to oppose—?”

“This will be the _ forty-seventh _ time I’ve scanned you,” the Computer complained. “There is _ nothing _ wrong with you—wait. There’s nothing _ more _ wrong with you than usual.”

“Of course there’s nothing wrong, Zim is perfect,” Zim agreed. “However! My squeedlyspooch is—”

“No it’s noooooooooooooooooot,” the Computer whined. “It is functioning better than the rest of you is. Which… isn’t saying much because your general everything can be held to such a low bar, but your body is working _ fine _ and I _ refuse to scan you again_.”

Zim hissed menacingly, the sound most certainly striking fear into the very circuits of his mechanical slave. “You know nothing! Now scan me!”

“No! Look, why do you even think something is _ wrong_?”

“Because it is!” Zim yelled, throwing his hands above his head. “My superior organ is _ malfunctioning_.”

“Okay, right, _ sure_. And what is it doing to ‘malfunction’? Because according to my vast databases of information, a malfunctioning super-organ usually results in… what’s the word? Oh right: _ death_.”

“As if something as weak and pathetic as organ failure could kill the Great and Powerful Zim!”

“Uh huh. Right. Whatever. What… _ symptoms _ and junk do you have?”

“Can’t you just scan—”

“Humor me. For once.”

“Never! Zim humors no one! Except maybe my Tallest and—”

“Okay, never mind. Uh. It’s part of the scan I’m doing. Yep, that sounds good. The new and advanced Scan 2.0 that I _ just _ downloaded requires that you answer some questions before I do it or else it’ll… I dunno, it’ll turn all of your base into water.”

Zim’s eyes widened in a _ totally _ scary and intimidating way that wasn’t fearful at _ all. _ “What sort of scan would do such a thing?”

“Oh it’s like, the new craze on Irk. Only the, uh, most _ elite _ and _ respected _ Irkens use it. But if you want the lame scan for _ shorties _ back—”

“Zim will use the Mighty and Doom-filled Scan 2.0!”

“Fucking _ finally_, fantastic. Alright, first question: what are your symptoms.”

Zim hummed thoughtfully, a claw tapping at his chin as he did so. “Zim’s squeedlyspooch has felt… _ tingly _ and _ warm_, like the stupid fluffy animals from this disgusting ball of dirt are creepy-crawling all over it. It’s _ worst _ around the Membrane-professor and the feeling can make my superior skin feel _ itchy _ and _ warm. _ The Dib-beast must have infected me with one of his stupid Earthean _ germs _ as revenge for dating his parental unit. An almost clever plan—obviously _ doomed _ to _ fail _ because the Almighty Zim will not be stopped by something so _ stupid _—but it will not stop me from—”

“Wait, hold up. You only feel this way around Professor Membrane? The brat’s dad?”

“Not always,” Zim admitted. “Sometimes it’s just when I think about him.”

“... So let me get this straight,” the Computer drawled. “You feel… warm and tingly and itchy when you’re around or you _ think _ of Professor Membrane.”

“That is what Zim _ just _ said!”

“Oh my Irk, you absolute stupid piece of shit, you’re in _ love_.”

Absolute silence.

“Oh my _ god_,” was all the Computer managed to get off before _ cackling_, saving Zim’s stunned and horrified face onto its drive _ forever. _

* * *

Zim? The Great and Powerful and Terrifying and Almighty Invader? The carrier of a super-important secret mission for his Tallest? In love? With his arch-nemesis’ dad? It was laughable! It was so _ stupid _ and dumb and human that it was hilarious.

… Why couldn’t Zim bring himself to laugh?

It would be so _ easy. _ Zim _ always _ liked laughing at stupid things, especially icky human _ feelings _ like _ love_. He did it all the time! It was so much fun!

So why couldn’t he just _ laugh _ at such a… foolish, human thing?

“—aster? Master?”

“_ What _?” Zim snapped.

“Oh, you’re still alive. You just totally shut down and I thought that you had fallen asleep standing up or something creepy like that. It was kinda freaky.”

“… Right.”

“… Okay, yeah, this isn’t fun anymore without you kicking up a big hissy fit over it. Shit, you’re like, _ actually _ in love. Wow, not gonna lie, I was _ not _ expecting this.”

“Shut _ up_,” Zim managed to rasp out.

“Alright, you’re kinda coming back online which, on the one hand it _ sucks _ but it’s better than whatever you were doing before.”

Zim wanted to yell at the Computer, tell it that it was inferior and _ stupid_.

He couldn’t bring his voice to form the words.

“Nope, you’re back to the blank and creepy stare. Stop that.”

“Quiet!”

“Oh wow, we’re just gonna go in circles at this rate. Listen, you love Membrane. Great. He’s like, completely fucking smitten with you—the two of you are _ already dating_. This should be the easiest confession _ ever_.”

“The Membrane-professor has not mentioned the disgusting L-word,” Zim hissed, practically spitting the sentence out.

“Welp, there’s a first time for everything. I think that saying applies here. Yeah, definitely. Look, just tell him you love him and he’ll say it back. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is the Biggest of Deals!” Zim shrieked. “For Zim to say such a thing—”

“Oh you’re back for real now, _ great_.”

“—Would be debasing! It is not something a mighty Irken Invader would do!”

“Okay, sure. But you’re not doing it as an Invader. You’re doing it as, uh. You’re just doing it as you or something, I guess.”

“Zim is an Invader!”

“That’s your _ job_,” the Computer pointed out. “But it’s not, like, _ you_. You’re doing it as… _ wow I’m going to regret this later _—you’re doing it as the Mighty and All-Powerful Zim, boyfriend of Professor Membrane. It’s totally separate.”

Zim blinked. “But it started as a mission to ground the Dib-stink forever.”

“Yeah well tough shit. Now it’s not.”

“But… Zim still wants to ground the Dib forever.”

“Oh for the love of—okay, look. Grounding the brat forever plus a hundred years can still be your Invader thing, but _ loving Professor Membrane is not. _ They’re two related things, but they’re not the same. _ Please _ say that makes sense, I can’t keep doing this.”

Zim stared at the floor. Could he… love Membrane? Just like that? It certainly sounded _ very _appealing. It would bring him closer to his final plan of becoming the Dib’s step-parental unit but… why did it feel more like a perk and not the goal?

It messed with his plans as an Invader! It meant that he would be closer to Membrane! That they would be together often! It meant that they would do more science that made Zim happy and that they’d have tea together! And...

It… 

…

Oh.

“Zim understands!” Zim screeched. “Computer! Defend the base while I’m gone! Zim is leaving!”

“Oh shit, that actually worked? Okay, yeah, whatever. You’re _ welcome, _ by the way.”

Zim paused. “... Thank you.”

“_ Wait hold on a hot sec, did you just—” _

“Zim is leaving now goodbye!”

“... Good luck. Or something. Whatever.”

* * *

Zim’s clawed hand rapped on the door furiously.

He was still knocking rapidly when the door flew open, revealing the powerful (but not as powerful as Zim!) glare of the Dib’s sister. “What do _ you _ want?”

“Zi—I mean! I wish to speak to Membrane! My boyfriend!”

Gaz’s face scrunched in disdain. “Ugh, gross.” She stepped to the side. “He’s in the kitchen.”

“All according to plan!” Zim declared, marching triumphantly into the house. “You can go now!”

“You’re lucky that dad would be sad if I murdered you right here.”

“Yes right I’m just going now.”

“You do that.”

Interacting with the she-beast Gaz was… interesting. She was a truly fearsome creature. Perhaps if she were an Irken she would be almost as great as Zim! But alas, she was a smelly human. Still, she was better than the Dib.

But! That didn’t matter right now! Zim was an Irken on a mission. He made his way through the house, the way to the kitchen familiar to him.

Just as Gaz had said, Professor Membrane stood hunched over the countertop of the kitchen, blue sparks of energy flying from his robotic hands as he tinkered with whatever it was that he was working on.

Zim simply stared for a few moments, his squeedlyspooch pounding and warm and _ fuzzy _ again as he watched. He took in a deep breath—unnecessary—and made sure his disguise was still firmly in place before he imitated the sound of a human-like cough.

The sparks stopped as Membrane turned around pulling his safety goggles up to reveal his regular, everyday-use goggles. His eyebrows shot up and his cheeks did the little happy-scrunch that Zim was so used to seeing.

“Hello, my most dearest boyfriend!” Membrane greeted. “I’m afraid that I didn’t hear you come in, but it’s always wonderful to see you! Come, have a seat. I’m making a new and improved version of super toast, but it’s about time for a tea break, anyway.”

“Wait,” Zim said.

Membrane stopped mid-stride, already halfway to the tea cabinet. “Hm? What is it?”

Zim took one last deep breath before slowly, shakily, closing the distance between the two of them. Membrane was so much _ bigger _ than he was, but it didn’t scare Zim. When had he gotten so comfortable with him?

Zim gulped as he reached out, taking Membrane’s still ungloved hand into his own, tracing the metal gently with his own gloved claws. “I… need to tell you something. And… don’t interrupt. Please.”

Zim didn’t look up, but he _ knew _ that Membrane had nodded.

Zim kept drawing patterns onto the metal hand as he spoke, plotting courses and tracing the orbit of Earth’s satellites. “I… um. When we started… _ dating, _ it was. New. I thought that you were smart and handsome and tall and… wanted to see if something would happen. I didn’t really… care. It was just… I didn’t _ know _ you and I thought it would be… _ fun _ or useful or something.”

Membrane didn’t say a word, though his fingers curled slightly before relaxing again.

Zim could feel heat rush to his face. “But, um, that. Well. It changed. You _ are _ smart and working on projects and science with you is fun but it’s _ more _ than that. It’s… filling and warm and Zi—I feel _ fuller _ when I do it with you instead of alone. And you _ are _ handsome but it’s not just your face or your hair. It’s the coat you wear and the way your face changes when you’re… _ happy _ and the way you look at me. And you’re tall but it feels safe and like… like you’re strong and not towering. Like you’re… protecting? It’s _ secure _ and I like it. A lot. Um.”

“... Dear?”

“I… this didn’t… start this way. But… I love you.”

Zim flinched. It wasn’t meant to come out as a question. Oh Irk, Membrane was going to _ laugh _ at him now and kick him out and the Dib would never let Zim hear the end of it and—

“Oh _ sweetheart_.”

Suddenly the hand in Zim’s grasp was pulling back and Zim felt a bolt of panic rush through him before those same hands, arms, were reaching around his and pulling him up, squeezing him flush to Membrane’s chest. Membrane’s face angled down, his cloth-covered chin rubbing against the top of Zim’s forehead.

That was Zim realized he had been _ leaking _ from his traitorous eyes. 

“I’m not crying!” Zim yelled.

Membrane laughed. “Oh, my darling dearest, I can’t even _ begin _ to explain how _ happy _ and overjoyed I am in this moment! Why, I had no clue that this level of joy was scientifically possible before now! Oh, I need to run _ tests _ on this, see how it—”

“You’re… happy then?” Zim asked, just to be sure.

“Am I—? Yes! I’m _ ecstatic _! This is wonderful news! This—oh, of course. Sweetheart, my little darling, I love you too. More than I can say even with all of science.”

“Oh,” Zim breathed out. “I love you too.”

Membrane laughed again, the action pressing his chest further against Zim. “I know. And that makes me so _ happy_. We should celebrate! What do you want to do?”

“We could… work on your toast project?”

“A brilliant idea born of a brilliant mind!” Membrane put Zim back down.

Zim regained his footing, hesitantly bringing a hand up to his chest. His squeedlyspooch felt… different. It was still warm and fuzzy, but it felt _ amazing _ now, like it was wrapped in blankets and snacks and Membrane’s lab coats. 

If this was what love felt like then Zim could get used to it. But, even more than that, he wanted _ Membrane _ to feel it, too.

By the rosy tint of his cheeks, the way his face scrunched, and the warm, metal hands still gently cradling Zim’s wrists, Zim was pretty sure that he must be experiencing something similar.

A grin, big and foolish and stupid, grew on Zim’s face. He couldn’t have fought it down if he tried.

“Are you ready to get started?” Membrane asked, gentle and warm and kind and _ lovingly. _

“Whenever you are, my Love.”

Membrane made a strange choking sound before Zim found himself being lifted into his embrace again, a peal of delighted laughter coming from him as he did so.

It was only after a copious amount of cuddling and saccharine-sweet words that the two of them finally went about their task, standing close enough to bump shoulder the whole while.

* * *

Dib looked up from the book he was reading, a chill rushing down his spine.

He frantically scanned the section of the library he was in, his sixth sense going haywire. Something had happened. Something _ bad, _ he just knew it_. _

When nothing reared its ugly head, Dib let out a sigh and went back to reading old newspaper reports on Mothman. It was probably nothing.

Probably.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope that you liked it!
> 
> any thoughts and kudos you leave is highly appreciated
> 
> thank you for reading


End file.
